a page for my thoughts
goodbye for now
I sat up on the gallery for a long time, lost in thoughts. It was hard to believe that actually 37 years have passed since I sat up there for the first time. Incredible much has happened all over the world during this almost four decades, but I doubted anything had changed fundamentally. Time passed while watching chefs serving customers. People came in and went out. Some came up, most of them only stayed for a short time. Outside on 42nd street a endless stream of passers-by. Honestly I would have liked to remain part of this vibrant life. Then, when it became time to go for my luggage I got catched by a change. Looking at the receipt I noticed a code to use a customer restroom. Unbelievable, the Deli now had a customer restroom. Just one but big and both unisex and disabled eccess. Recalling the first time many years ago and – by good reasons last time ever – I had to use the employees‘ restroom, hidden down at the basement faraway from daylight. Observed by a busy kitchen stuff I had to pass a slippery floor covered with vegetable waste to get there. Leaving the deli I remained shocked by the stark contrast between the delicious food under heat lamps and the unsavory place of its creation, the gab between eaters and producers. Now I was amazed by a very clean and easily accessible restroom and even more by its features. I would have liked a gaze onto the kitchen. Nevermind. It had taken a long time for a small change, nonetheless it was a change, and a good one at that. On the way back to the hotel my mood chanched, suddenly I went curious for having a look inside of this toothpicks whose upper floors disappeared in haze this day. Or at least to step in one of this ground floors. Who knows. Maybe next time.
February 24, 2023
…beloved places
After I had checked out and deposited my luggage I went out for I don’t know how for many times to take pictures. This time I chose 5th Avenue, which I had neglected for longer time. Now, at a regular weekday, busy among busy people I felt at home. I photographed like mad, catched at the Trump Tower the imitation of a real madman and managed, more familiar with my camera now, to take better photos of Grand Central Station. The days highlight then was to sit in my Deli again. The first I ever had entered and since than at each stay, except my last. A lot had changed, so name and interior design. The stuff was diffrent but still speaking Spanish. The huge bar with a wide variety of food kept warm or cold in tubes had remained. Among the dishes now some marked as vegetarian, although they never had been anything else. Also Remained had fortunately the gallery you could eat your weighed selection, unfortunately with plastic cutlery from plastic boxes, now at least the boxes recyclable.
February 24, 2023
beloved rituals…
Leaving the hotel next morning I was glad that there was no snow. At night I had recalled that snow in the streets of Manhattan could be funny and might bring me some spectacular fotos but not so at the airport when flights are cancelled. The nearest coffee shop wasn’t far away. After it got light I started from there one of my essentual Manhattan rituals, a walk through Central Park to Dakota House and Imagine Mosaic. Taking this walk I got sure this day would turn out to be a good one, nevermind the lousy weather. And this way it happened. I didn’t take the direct way back to the hotel, but made a detour to Columbus Avenue where I, not far from Metropolitan Opera, found a – my – new coffee shop, very stylish and just lovely. My second breakfast cost the same as the one at Starbucks, but was much more delicious. After all I was glad to be back in New York. Once again I realized my mental glasses. When I’m fine also my surrounding is fine. Regardless of wether I’m right or not.
February 24, 2023
…and fine
After settling into a room similar to those I have stayed during many years I went out in search for dinner. As it started raining again on the way towards Times Square, I stopped looking around. I contented myself with buying two slices Pizza and a beer before I hurried back to the hotel. Not without being amused by these tough New York people – specifically man – moving in the streets unfazed by something as trivial as a rain shower. They reminded me of some freezy winter days I had spended here, when New York was called „Scarf City“ by the newspapers. In my experience, New Yorkers treat people with problems the same way they treat people with contagious diseases. But when having a problem theirs is the worst ever and everyone is the very best at solving it. Back than the tough seemed to be vying to see who froze the most. Even bevor I reached the hotel, the rain started to sting. Hailstones dispelled my hopes of a snowy New York.
February 23, 2023
back again…
I was almost sure to be through with New York and already thinking about going back home without a stop over, when I started to feel cowardly about this idea and also afraid my age could become an obstacle for me. So strolling Manhattan got on the list again, the The Edge callenge included. Unnecessarily. Weather doesn’t cooperate. Drizzle was announced to go on and even snowfall possible. Clear skies were not expected until after I had already left. No plans no hurry. Totally relaxed I started my new stay. This time with less luggage I walked from Port Authority a well known way to a well known place and had a brake when before arriving Columbus Circle drizzle turned to rain. Watching passing by people I had an ordinary lunch at an ordinary deli. Then walking further my surrounding went even more familiar. Everything almost the same as ever. Streets, hotel, lobby, elevators, hallways, my room with a narrow but comfortable bed, desk, chair, closet, mirror and frigibar. Only the bathroom looked diffrent. Now it was the most modern I’ve used here over the years.
February 23, 2023
leaving behind New York
About 3 a.m I put an end to these fair of thoughs in my head, took a shower and arranged my luggage. On sundays there were no bus towards Penn Station bevor 7 o’clock, I had figured out. I left the hotel already at 6. Not keen for using metro stations when carring luggage, I decided to walk. Apparently I never get tired of walking the streets of Manhattan. Everything went well, even though I chose at Kew Gardens a bus to JFK instead the airtrain from Jamaica Center. This decision led to a New York people episod matching to the one at my arrivel as also to other similar stories during my previous stays. So, waiting at a bus stop beside the metro exit Kew Gardens a bus driver observed me critically. Then, smiling at me very frendly and with phone on his ear, he came to show me a bus standing around the corner. The bus started immediately after I had stepped in.
November 27, 2022
thoughts kaleidoscope
Later on this night I layed awoke for longer times. In my mind impressiones and experiences of the past days tumbled together and separated kaleidoscope like. The resulting changing images were diffrent to those I had remembered. I wasn’t sure any longer if I real like Manhattan, if it real makes sense to come back again. I’m surprised by some new habits, so by the ability to sit al fresco now almost everywhere. Wherever posible Restaurants offer outdoor places. At many public areas tables and chairs invite to have a break. Also amazing are the many comfortable bike paths, most of them covering a former car lane. On the other hand obviously fewer and fewer places were reached by sunshine. The constant shadow in many streets was depressing, at least for me. But over all it was the lack of boundaries, these omnipresent excessiveness that made me uneasy.
November 27, 2022
decoration frenzy
Back on groundfloor my dizziness was vanished when I entered an several stoties high entrance hall. christmas over-decorated like the whole public area. Also the difficulties to manage my camera were gone. I photographed inside and than outside in a frenzy most similar to what the decorators must had been in. At some point I had enough, felt just hungry and longing for a bed. When I got to 10th Avenue I had no more patience to wait for a bus. To walk 8 blocks down and 2 streets left couldn’t shake me anymore. 7 blocks exactly. At 23rd street I turned and went to the deli I had found the night before. With soup, beer and potato chips a good ending of a not that good day was guaranteed.
November 26, 2022
dizzing 1250 ft
I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up in panic of having overslept. Yet it was not even 4 p.m., but I hastened to find the stop of a suitable bus. When I arrived at Hudson Yards until my turn still one hour was left. This time I could recognize the entrance to the observations deck easily because of a emense crowd of waiting people. As soon as queuing my tiredness was covered by curiosty, but came back even stronger when moving forward myself in slow motion for more than one hour in slow motion. Until the section I was walking in was allowed onto the elevators my tension had dropped to zero. Passing a tube-like, winding corridor, my nervs had been animated almost to death by a mixture of light show, action film sound and ghost train scenario. When fianlly arrived the observation deck the expected salvation didn’t happen. A strong gust of wind greeted me and the screeching of overexited children running over and arround the glas triangle in the ground. My attempt to step the glass bottom or to approach to the surrounding high glaswall failed due to an dizziness. Not enough that the glass wall startet at the floor, it was sloped outwards too, which – if you could bring yourself to bend forward – gave the effect of floating 381 meters above the street. Definitely, a bit far from pleasent for an elderly lady. Nevertheless I could manage to threw a glimpse at the now nocturnal Manhattan and to take some photos. Just when I felt a little more save on my feet and dared to go around a corner, a strong draft made me stagger. This was the end. Excursion was over. I cheated my way along the seemingly never-ending queue for the ride down, forward to the usher. I told her I was nauseous, and – zap! – I was downstairs.
November 26, 2022
overdrawn
I left the The Edge thoughful. No doubt about, I had managed myself into trouble. How to combine action, a nap and punktuality, was the question now. In an attempt to go back to business as usual I took a bus to Columbus Circle with the intention of going to the Dakota House, to take an other and better photo of the Imagine mosaic and maybe to have lunch in the Boatshouse before going for a nap to my hotel room. The first thing I did when I reached Central Park was to take seat on a bench and watch the decorated carriages and cycle rickshaws pas by. The next was a move to Sheep`s Madow to join the people sitting or lying there enjoing that warm and sunny winter’s day. I thought about what it would like be to live in one of those skyscrapers that reaches up into the sky looking like toothpicks. To be capulted up each time by an elevetor for getting to my apartment seemed horrible for me. Unimaginable also to have always a view out of the window like from an aircraft. Certainly the slight swaying of such tall buildings could be felt all te time. Most likely you couln’t step out onto a balcony and mybe not even open a window. I started to think about how to get an apartment viewing were I could get an idea what it was like to live in such kind of building.
November 26, 2022
a stamped day
My spartanic hotel room, furnished only with a bed, too high to sit on it comfortable, with no desk or at least a side table, gave me no choise but to leave it even though it was still very early. So I walked through less bussy streets again and thanks doing a loop to Macy’s at W 34th street ‚my‘ coffee shop was opened when I arrived there. I left it in high spirits, more familiar with my camera, ready to take the challenge for the day. To find the The Edge Building and its entrance was easy, not so to find the ticket office. Hidden in this luxury shopping mall between branches of world-famos fashion labels, surprisingly in the low price category. The mall was lavishly decorated with gold-colored Christmas decorations the way that almost anything disappeared behind. Tickets were at 9:30 a.m only available for 5:30 p.m. Far to late for me. My body would be in midnight conditions at that time. I bought one. This act stamped my day.
November 26, 2022
breaking with routine
In accordance with my intention of breaking the routine, I boarded the ferry for first time in the afternoon. Sunset had always been reserved to the Empire State Building. Than, when I recognized far back in the skyline The Edge, even from afar because of its beak, the next breake of tradition was sealed. Yes, I would go up to this new observations platform, even if there might not be time left for my usual foto session on the EstB. It was a pitty that I had to split my attention between trying to get the best camera set ups and searching for the changes of the skyline. Actually it didn’t come to a view at sunset with the first lights inside the buildings. It was yet too early. I would have had to go there and back once more. To do that I definitely was too tired. Insted I enjoyed a bus ride up to midtown. This evening I found on 23rd Street, not far from the hotel, a well stocked Deli. And not just this. My room was no longer overheated. I could hardly believe my luck.
November 25, 2022I
blessed being
I notice again, each travel is different to others, even those to the same place. This time I missed exitement, this sometimes breathtaking enthusiasm. Although there were same things which happen regulary to me again. I don’t know how often I missed the direct way from Liberty Street to South Ferry Terminal. I just remember some happenings on these wrong ways. Maybe later on I’ll recall this day because of a man who made me smile unexpectedly. He had brought his lunchbox to a table at the seaside obviously feeling fine by spending his break there. An example par exellence of the ability to make the best of one’s conditiones. He made my mood change. Not in really good shape due to jetlag and tired from a lot of walking, surrounded by an incredible amount of tourists, I recalled that it was up to me to whine or to be glad. Aware of that I could look forward to the upcoming boat ride.
November 25, 2022
sensationalism sells
Ready for my next Manhattan day now, I walked to Grand Central Station to buy my primary equipment, a metrocard. Also to get better photographs. With depressing result. I have to admit my idea to take my new camera as virgin on a photo shooting travel was beyond foolish. It was an almost a professional one and far more sophisticated than my former camera, to which I had been familiar with. This new baby makes demands on me that I’m not yet able to cope with. Than on E 42nd Streed I figured out my favorite deli, the first one I ever walked in, looked different now and even worse, it was closed this day. At least the M 1 bus still departed from the same spot in front of the libary. Althought I felt fine on this busride towards Battery Park, I decided to get off at Chambers Street, to visit the Memorial and to walk from there to the ferry terminal. Already on the way to the Oculus I had to give way to several groups of people walking behind a leader telling them about 9/11. I was used to the company of thoughtful people standing quietly at the monuments. Now there were almost tangible sensationalism in the air. Once again I left a place in a hurry – shoked about how it could be posible to make business with a tragedy.
November 25, 2022
time travel
Early next morning I was out on street again. Walking 8th Avenue up to Penn Station on search for an already open coffee shop, unexpectedly I caught sight of The Edge. As big as my curiosity had been, to see this as ultimite attraction advertised building, was my disappointment now. Just an other tower made of steel, stone and glass. Not at all something special, except for his beak. No need to get up there, was my first thought, the second, on this drizzly day not that bad. Leaving disappointment behind I went on, unsure now how to spend this day. Until I found a Deli exactly what I’ve been looking for I had reached the intersection W 32nd Street and Broadway. I ordered a for my standarts opulent breakfast, speaking spanish for first time on this trip. At the upstairs dining room sat just a few guests. My spirit awoke while enjoying a big hot fresh brewed coffee and a sumptuous beagle. During this my sight was rested on a small green triangle surrounded by streets and buildings, named Greeley Square Park. Also I let wander my gaze through the room. Time seemed to have stud still here for decades. Places like this I had found in Manhattan often before. I felt home copletely now and the desire arose to start where I left off last time. While inside my spirit brightened outside luckily the weather did.
November 25, 2022
happy Thanksgiving
When entering my room my only desire was to lay down for a moment and to go out for dinner a bit later. But as soon I had entered that what would be my home for 3 days I left it again, in a hurry. The radiator was, according to last days outdoor temprature, running at full steam and couldn’t be regulated. Nothing extraordinary in older buildings, also to cool down this excess by air conditioning. If there is one. I had to open the window, which wasn’t real helpful. Outside it wasn’t cold any longer. I went back to street just to wander through deserted streets. What had been a blessing at the aircraft, now turned out to be a curse when looking for a Deli. Nobody flies at this day and almost nobody works, at least until late evening. After I finally had managed to get hold of a soup and a sandwich I was out of orientation. Even worst, I got lost again and again by choosing the wrong direction at each corner. Dead tired and starving I settled down in a dark office building entrance to drink my soup before it get cold. The cup was stuck in a brown paper bag and could have been as well a beer can. I guess this was thinking the passing by elegantly dress women when whising me „Happy Thanksgiving“.
November 24, 2022
…and than I found myself in New York again
To be here seemed to me as something happening to an other person. Although I had been looking forward to come back here for more than two years, I not at all was prepared for real being here. Still at the airport I felt at home, sitting in the bus towards midtown Manhattan like never have been away. Than, arriving at the Port Authority Terminal, things changed. Keen for discover new places I had booked a to me unknown hotel in an area I wasn’t familiar with. All I knew was its location closed to 8th Avenue on 22nd street. Because I never had a room in Chelsea before I didn’t have any orientation, ether an idea which puplic transport I had to take to get there. „Come on it’s just twenty blocks!“ I encouraged myself and decided to walk. A splenid decicion. In a drizzle after an 8 hour flight with a 6 hour time difference my light luggage became a heavy burdon. Then, finally owner of a keycard, I was too exhausted to carry my to bags – weight less than 11 kg each – upstairs both at once.
November 24, 2022
happy landing
Just arrived at Newark I had another one of this unforgettable experiences with New York people. My impression of New York would not be the same without my encounters with its people. The driver of a midtown bus, I asked for help, told me he is going to Port Authority terminal and this could be right to get to 22nd street, Chelsea. I remenbred the map and agreed. When it came to by the ticked he asked me if I was a senior. To which I laughed „Of course, have a look at me!“. He failed to take the 20 Dollar bill I handed him. „Sorry, I’m out of change“ he said with a smirky smile, pulling same time a roll of bills out of his pocket. „Get in, we’ll do that later“ he asked me and so I did, my purse still in hand. I could hardly believe it, this was the last time he gave attention to me.
November 24, 2022
precious moment in life
Finally I can plan again to spend winter in exile. After stay two gloomy and chilly winters in Germany, I’m spreading my wings now to fly away as soon as possible. At the moment I’m still undecided when I want to be where, and how long to stay there. When I imagine another longer stay in México, my mood ranges between to be overwhelmed by joy and missing the thrill. So what to do? Again the very usual: FRA-JFK > Manhattan > JFK-CUN > Playa del Carmen and Tulum > Mérida? Or should I take some challenge ? JFK-SJO > discover new places down in Costa Rica > SJO-MID > Mérida? What about a stay in la Habana again? Or finally a trip to the Bahamas? No doubt about, I’ll find my way to Mérida from everywhere.
Anyway, to have the choise means to have a precious moment in life
October, 2022
growing anticipacion
The prospect to spend again four month at my winter exile fills me with exitement. Just the though of flying to New York and spending a few days there makes me feel happy. Although it’s still uncertain wether the general situation will allow unhindered travel my anticipation is growing constantly. Looking forward to live in Mérida, Yucatan, México and to visit places at the caribean cost again, increases my attitude towards life.
August, 2022
Venice in low season – balm for my soul
Last autumn when I couldn’t flee from a cold and dark winter for second time, my longing for a stay at a seaside and another city got overpowering. Venice, as a city in the sea, could meet both needs. So I compensated myself with a stay in the most unusual city I know. Exactly at the date I would have left for a four month winter exile I went to spend four days in Venice. I did it again exactly at the date I would have returned from Mexico to Germany and I do it once more now, end of May, just because Venice is balm for my soul.
May, 2022
time to go towards life again
I’m through with holding back myself. I’ve done everything I could do to protect myself and others as well. Even though many of them didn’t care about anybodies welfare and still refuse to do their part to overcome the pandemic. Enough is enough. Now time has come to get back to normal life in order to save those who are economically o psychologically damaged by the pandemic – including myself. Now I’ll do what I’ve missed most. I’ll travel again. Fearlessly and – of course – careful. I’m back at my way of life. Definitely.
October, 2021
When gazing photographs I had took at my last winter escape, which I came back from right before pandemic hit and its following endless seeming lockdown, I got aware about my fatigue of feeling locked in and how much I wished to be in midtown bus passengers conditions. I just would have to pull a string to get out. During my lifetime there were several life situations I wanted to leave behind. Most times it wasn’t that easy but it always was up to me to decide how, when and where.
January, 2021
